The Full Bonnaroo Line Up Was Just Released And I Am Officially An Old Man

Umm…what? Ganja White Night? Pigeons Playing Ping Pong? Boombox Cartel? I knew I was getting older, but I had no idea I was about to turn seventy-five. Some of the bands I know- Lizzo is obviously huge, as is Miley Cyrus, Tool, Young Thug, Nelly, Bassnectar etc., but the vast majority of the line up is people I’ve never even heard of.

Here’s a more digestible list of acts from the website. (Check out Slowthai)

What a freak. Also, I’m sure who this bottom is but I think he mixed up his Only Fans profile pic with his headshot.

I feel like the only reason people go to Bonnaroo in the first place is for a break from reality. No one cares about the music, they only care about getting fucked up and missing work. That’s all it is, right? An adult play land for people who are a little too old to be doing drugs. That’s why it’s in the middle of no where Tennessee. So you don’t see anyone you know.

It’s not cheap either…

Source –  Bonnaroo 2020 will take place in Manchester, TN from June 11-14. Tickets go on sale Thursday at noon, with four-day passes starting at $279. 

Thursday’s opening day festivities will feature a “Grand Ole Opry” theme, with scores of indie acts. Next up: Tool will headline Friday’s installment of the four-day festival, while Lizzo toplines Saturday and psychedelic Australian band Tame Impala rocks the main stage Sunday. Virtually the only jam band on the bill, Oysterhead, will also perform Saturday.

$279 to live in a tent and watch “Seven Lions” perform with “Primus.” No thanks. As much as I’m shitty on “the Bonnaroo experience” I’d still like to go just to say I did. Who knows? Maybe I’d like waking up on a camp ground hungover without the ability to fix myself with a McChicken. Best of luck to everyone attending. And if I completely missed the mark with my assessment of things, be sure to not let me know. Apparently I’m too old to care.